Marriage, The Rose Rap, and God the Easter Bunny: Oh, the Musings of 3rd Graders!

So it appears as though this blog is about goofy things that kids say.  Eh.  So be it.  It's only the third post since I'm lame anyways, so I'll probably post about other things someday.  Anyhoo....

Today I taught 2nd grade science and 3rd grade art.  The 3rd graders were especially hilarious.

Ashley: Mrs. Rodgers, does your mom work here?
Me: No.  *puzzled look*
Ashley: Oh you look just like somebody else whose mom works here.
What are the chances that a woman who looks like me works here with her mom?
Thomas: Does she work at a different school?
Because obviously if she doesn't work here, we must work together at a different school since i'm a sub.
Me: Nope.
Jean: Where does she work?
Me: JoAnn Fabric.  It's a craft store.
The children became very excited at this point and several began squawking at once.
Thomas: Ooooh my grandma's a quilter!
Alex: I've been there!
Ashley: I think I know her!
Doubt it.
Thomas: Me too!
Jean: What's her name?
Mrs. Rodgers's Mom.
Me: Rose.
Alex: What's her last name?
Me: Morris.
Alex (rhythmically): Rose Morris. Rose Morris. Rose Morris.  I can rap that!
What the crap?
Me: Okay then.  I'll be sure to let her know.
So, Mom, there's a 3rd grader that was rapping your name.  Hahaha!


Josh: Are you married?
Yes, but not to the quarterback.
Tanya: Yeah, are you married?
Me: What does the "Mrs." tell you?
Tanya: Oh you're married!
Kaylee (to Josh): Why would you ask her if she's married? You're in 3rd grade!  That's weird!
Me: It's not weird.  He just wanted to know if I'm married.  It's not like he asked me to marry him.  Now that would be weird.
Then the wee little lads and lassies chortled uncontrollably.


Cameron: Mrs. Rodgers, do you believe in Santa?
Me: Yes.
Sam: Do you believe in the Easter Bunny?
Me: Hmm... let me think.  Sure.
Sam: Well then that means you believe in God!
Wait.... WHAT?!?!?!?!


Voice of God (or maybe just the secretary): Mrs. Rodgers? Steve will be riding the bus home.  There is a note in the office that he should pick up to give to his bus driver.
Jason: Steve, what bus are you driving?
Me: Steve, are you driving the bus today?!  Wow!
Jan: You're funny!
Well, duh.


Justin: Mrs. Rodgers, can I draw a boomerang that is stuck in my tree.
Why is he even asking me this... just do it.
Me: I don't see why not, but it's your decision.
5 minutes later...
Kelly: Mrs. Rodgers, can I draw a boomerang in my tr...
Vance (interrupting): Can I draw a boomer...
Lacy (interrupting): Can I dr...
Me (interrupting): If you all draw a boomerang, is it an original idea anymore?
Vance: Yes!
I then received several confused looks and they went back to work.


Then there was one repeated mysterious occurrence.  Directions for the art project were posted at the front of the room and we went over them.  I had a few kids (in different classes) throughout the day ask if it was okay to start painting.  The really weird thing was that by the time this happened, half the class was painting and the kids who asked me had already started.  Uh... if they weren't it's a little too late.  It's not like it comes out of the paper.

Whew!  I usually don't get that much umm... creativeness in one school day.

Silly Students

I just finished a 2-week subbing stint in choir teaching high school and middle school in a suburb of Flint.  Let's call the district O'City Schools.  Here are the funniest and most amazing things I heard from students.


Julie, a freshman who I also had last year when I subbed for the other O'City choir teacher for 8 weeks was rather disheartened that I put her on alto.  She's a very sweet girl and I love her, but everyone can't sing soprano.  She would be stronger on the alto part anyway.  As it is, her voice is too immature to tell what voice part she actually is.  I believe this was her last-ditch effort to get me to switch her to soprano:

Julie: "Mrs. Rodgers, can you tell me if something is weird?"
Me: "Maybe.  What is it?"
Julie: "Low noises bother me, but really high ones never do.  Like, high noises bother most people, but not me!"
Me with a completely straight face: "...Well, I don't know if that's strange.  Really loud low bass bothers me, but high noises don't necessarily bother me unless it's nails on a chalkboard."
Julie: "Well, yeah, of course that bothers me, but really really high notes don't."
Me: "...."


Frank is a student who just moved to the school from a school up north.  The culture is different here.  He is a very polite, kind, friendly young gentleman so I was surprised when this happened.

Me: "How do you like it here at O'City so far?  Are you ready to run back up north?"
Frank: "It's okay so far."
Me: "Yeah, Flint can be a little..."
Frank: "Stabby?"
Me: "Bwahahahahahahahahaha!"


Gina is a friendly and sweet middle school student in the 7th and 8th grade choir.  She takes voice lessons and is an extremely strong singer, so I put her in the middle of the back row of the altos to help everybody out.

Gina: "Mrs. Rodgers, I was wondering if I could sit over there." *points to a seat by a friend*
Me: "Why?"
Gina: "It's really hard for me to get to my seat."
Me: "...Why?"
Gina: "There are a bunch of chairs in the way."
Me: "..."
Gina: "And when there are people in them it's hard for me to get to my seat."
Me: "I specifically put you in the back row because you're such a strong singer.  It's so you can help everybody out."
Gina: "..."
Me: "It's a compliment."
Gina: "Well then can I at least sit on the end?"
Me: "No.  Go sit down!"


This is just a lovely interaction I had with students in the 7th and 8th grade choir on my last day.

Kayla: "Hopefully you'll sub for us again!"
Me: "Yeah.  Well, hopefully I get a job, but I'd like to see you again!"
Deanna: "Why?  You don't want to stay with us?"
Me: "I love you guys, but I hardly make any money here."
James: "Oh yeah!  How did your interview go?"
Me: "I didn't get it.  Oh well, their loss."
Most of the class: "What?!"  "No!" *other various outraged sounds*
Karen: "But wait, you can sing, play piano, and teach, all at the same time!"
Melissa: "And you're funny!"

I love those kids.  That made me feel really good.  :)


I unfortunately had one student at the middle school who made poor choices such as destroying her folder, refusing to follow directions, and being rude.  James, who got into trouble on a few occasions with me because he's very loud.  He's an awesome kid, but he's just so noisy!

Me: "Donna, please stop braiding Melissa's hair."
Donna: "I'm not braiding."  *continues to braid*
James: "That is a braid.  It's a fishtail braid!"
The boys in this class are very knowledgeable about braids.  Liam was braiding Melissa's hair before the bell.
Donna: "Can I just go to the Responsibility Room? I hate it in here."
Me: "If I have to send you down there, I will write you up again."
Donna: "Nu-uh.  You just going to let me go.  Mrs. Smith says..."
James: "Hey!  I'm sick of you disrespecting the teacher like that!  She ain't done nothin' to deserve it and you just keep mouthing off to her!"
Donna: *scoffs*
The entire class: *applauds and cheers*
Me: "Wait, who are you clapping for?"
Class: "James!"
Me: "Okay." *smiles*

On silly young teens, bad directions, and pepper jack cheese: destroyer of dreams

First, I've determined that I don't want to use my livejournal anymore because I am no longer an angsty, silly college undergrad and am now just a silly college undergrad.  And that will change on SATURDAY!!!  Also, this was a lot longer, but I shortened it, so get over it already.,

Now I present: my day!

5:26 am: I receive a phone call from PESG offering me a job.  It's for middle school so I immediately hang up.

5:27 am: I leap out of bed and boot up the computer thinking I could sign up my husband, who enjoys attempting to teach angsty, unreasonable, overly hormonal pubescent children.  Yes, I know I used angsty twice.  It won't happen again.

5:28 am: I spot the job online and it's for a choir teacher that I've subbed for before.  In fact, she went out of her way to promote me and sent my information to all of her colleagues.  So, in the spirit of being nice and not a giant jerkface, I accepted the job and proceed to ready myself.

6:50 am: I continue to bitch about middle schoolers and the two TERRIBLE classes that I know I'm in for because I taught them once.

8:10 am: The first TERRIBLE class proceeds to be angelic.

10:15 am: The other TERRIBLE class proceeds to be very well behaved.

11:21 am: Now this is important for later.  I eat a very healthy lunch consisting of fruit, veggies, yogurt, and a sandwich.

11:52 am: I restrain myself from spearing about 5 7th grade boys with the wires I almost pulled out of the piano with my angry brute strength.  They were "singing."  And by singing I mean yelling.  Then, they told me that that's how you're supposed to sing.  I also heard someone mutter, "It doesn't matter.  Nobody knows if our teacher's not here."  I then murdered them with the lasers that must have been shooting out of my pupils by now.  I sliced the crap out of their smart little vocal cords or maybe I just got mad and chewed them out a little.  I informed them that I had gone to school for music for 6 years, had been in music loooooong before that happened, and that they weren't going to pull that crap over on me because I know how to sing.

12: 53 pm: I watch part of Matilda with sixth graders.  Twice.  Then, I drive home.

3:33: I get home and ask my hubby what the voting today is for.  Hey now!  I'm not completely irresponsible. I knew some of it was for school board, but I was unaware of the library millage.  He then gives me directions to the school I need to go to:

      Him: Blither blather south on Belsay Road. Bli...

      Me (interrupting): South on Belsay got it.  Where at?

      Him: Between the two signs that say "vote here."

      Me (while running out the door): Okay see you in a bit.

3:46: I have now driven to Belsay and 5 miles south.  I realize that this is definitely not where Bentley JH is, so I give Mr. Ethan a call.

      Me: Sooo... how far is this school?

      Him: It's by court.

      Me: ...So not very.  I'm by Maple.

      Him: No, it's north on Belsay.

      Me (getting pretty irritated by this point): So by south you meant north?

      Him: No.  If you were driving south on Belsay, it would be north of court.

      I then engage in an intense internal struggle not to kill him via the force
      through the phone and wonder why
      anybody would give those directions based on where we live.

      Him: Go north past Court.  It's on the r...

      Me: Thanksbye!

3:55: I turn around in a parking lot because I drove past the school.  I finally get inside, locate the gym and click click click all over the floor because I didn't go to the right part of the gym first.  I relish the sound of my little heels on the floor.  They're saying "I'm so classy and professional click click click.  Clearly, I also represent the highest taste in style because look at my pointy little toes and nifty pattern."  I place my "I Voted" sticker carefully on my classy grayish-silvery shirt so that when I go places later, everybody knows.  They'll know I'm a responsible, classy, stylish professional adult with my clicky shoes and sticker on my fancy grayish-silvery shirt and black pants.

4:39: I put on water to boil for some mac & cheese.

4:40: I eat a few almonds, a handful of Chocolate Chex, some scrumdiddlyumptious seafood salad, a piece of salami, some crusty topping off the banana crisp I made last night, and apparently everything in sight because I'm an undernourished vacuum.  So much for my healthy lunch.

4:41: I pour the pasta in the water and determine that if I don't want to eat the entire contents of the larder/refrigerator/pantry/cupboards/house I should set the alarm and go upstairs.

4:51: I make, get this, MAC AND PEPPER JACK CHEESE!  I thought this would be the best idea ever because pepper jack is the best cheese ever.  It was severely disappointing.  But, now thanks to a ridiculously lengthy discussion with a few people on Facebook about it, others are going to try it.  May your wildest pepper jack dreams come true.  And if they do, tell me how you did it because even though I'm a really good cook and never use recipes, my pepper jack dreams were shattered.  THEY SHATTERED MY PROFESSIONAL, CLASSY, SHOE-CLICKY DREAMS!  SHATTERED I TELL YOU!!!